Today is the day of love and hearts.  It’s Valentine’s Day and I am wondering how many of you out there are hoping for the “right” gift from your honey.   You know that gift that means to you that you are truly loved.  Maybe it is flowers, a card, chocolate or maybe something completely different like an adventure in nature.  Will you be disappointed at the end of the day today?

I can remember wanting the Valentine’s gift that I thought of as “right” that would make me know and feel that my relationship was ok and I was loved.  So much of that was about my expectation and not the real intention of the day.

If you are in a relationship right now or not, what meaning are you giving to Valentine’s Day?  Does it make you feel worse because you aren’t experiencing what you really want in relationships?  Are you making that about you and who you aren’t or about your partner and who they aren’t? At the end of Valentine’s day are you going to be beating yourself up or beating up your partner?!!

I want to encourage you on Valentine’s Day to understand that who you are inside, in your heart is perfect.  You don’t need someone else to make you ok.  You already are.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Having a partner and honey to share your life with is a beautiful gift and I believe that it is possible to have a sacred relationship that supports and creates a space for you to GROW AND EXPAND,  not to make you VALUABLE AND OK.  Your value and worth is inherently yours apart from what anyone else can give you and when you know that, really know it, your relationship becomes the vehicle for growth and expansion instead of the oxygen mask to make you feel valuable.

So today, give yourself a Valentine and celebrate YOU.  The real you.  The you that is perfect right where you are, even if you don’t see it or feel it right now.  Looking for that outside of you, even in your partner, will always leave you empty on some level.  Until you give that unconditional love to yourself first, you will most likely be looking for someone else to give it to you and that could take a long time.  

Much love,  Cindy

P.S. Please leave me a comment with your thoughts below.

1.  Shift your perception of creativity.  You don’t have to be a successful artist to be creative.  Your creative gift may be communication, gardening, negotiation, rock climbing or heck, just being happy!  Yep…those are all ways to unleash your creative genius and when you allow your creative bent out, if gets stronger.  When you begin to loosen your boundaries around what is creative, you will find that your creativity increases.  Funny thing, huh.  So what is your creative bent?  Thought about that lately?

2.  Understand the power of creativity.  So what is the big deal about being creative?  If it seems like a waste of time or it’s too hard to accomplish, you may need a little Creativity 101.  Here’s some simple facts about creativity:

Creative thinking helps you solve problems more efficiently.  Thinking outside the box is an invaluable skill with challenges in the workplace, relationships, with your kids, and in your environment.  Letting loose and allowing your mind to open to creative solutions takes practice (mainly because we are so programmed to only seeing one way).  We’ve been conditioned to color inside the lines from a very early age.   What if you give yourself permission to color the dog blue and the rose purple!  You get a whole new perspective that you may not have seen before.

Creativity activates the energy of change.  When you create a new thought or action and loosen the grip of “the right way” you activate the ability to see new things.  When you can see with new eyes the solution often shows up right in front of you!

Creativity feels risky.  This is you stepping out there with the possibility that what you create may not hit the mark or turn out like you thought.  This is a huge thing for all of us.  We are so afraid of being wrong that we block ourselves from having a new idea which in essence is creativity.  Right?  Think how this blocks you from going after your dreams and what makes you happy.   You hear yourself say, “What if  this doesn’t work ?”  ”I have never done this before and I am not sure it will work.”  Sound familiar?  The deep belief that if you are wrong you are a failure will stop you from trying and thwart creative thinking over an over.

3.  Let it out:  At an early age you entered a culture of non creativity.  Schools forced you to be the same, sit in your desk, and color inside the lines, (if you got to color at all) AND if you didn’t, you were scolded and told you were wrong, you were a trouble maker, you talked too much and you couldn’t sit still.  You learned eventually and painfully not to let yourself out.  In fact, you were rewarded for your ability to conform.   Thankfully, the creative you never  dies because you need creativity now more than ever!  You need it to make your life unique and significant.   Don’t you feel the revolution to be yourself rising up inside and all around you?  It’s everywhere.

So take some time to just consider that you’re at your best when you are listening to your own heart and letting your own rhythm out.  You may not have a clue what that means because it’s all so covered up, but investigate, do you have the courage to believe that your creative juices are still flowing down in there somewhere?  If so…ask yourself this?

What could happen in my life if I was willing to consider…It is safe to uncover my creative river and let it out.    Just imagine what would change for you…

Are you ready to let it out but have no idea how?    Let’s have a FREE Possibility Call together so you truly understand that there is a place for you to be yourself , no longer a fish out of water.  It’s time to BE creative and BE you.  Simply send me an email at  cindy@redhotliving.com and let’s uncover your river!

Fear will not kill you and you need to prove that to yourself.  Really  

Making the choice to override your survival instinct, (you know that belief that whatever you are facing will kill you), and do it anyway, you learn something very sacred. 

YOU are more powerful than your fears

Every time you step into your fear and come out on the other side, you create the evidence of how powerful you really are.  Amazingly, this builds your self-confidence and you feel more valuable and worthwhile because you see what you can really do. 

So, you want to know how to have more self-confidence?  Do what your heart is calling you to do, despite the fear.  Stepping into the unknown when you are afraid is a sure way to reconnect with the power you truly possess to create your life.

Looking for the “instant fix” and mixing that with all the info floating around that all you have to do is x-y-z and POOF you are transformed, has created a real vacuum of disappointment for lots of folks.  The truth is it takes courage, guts, and action to step into the scary places in your life and transform.  Sometimes it’s fast and lots of times it is step by step.

Here’s where to start:

1.  Get real:  Be honest with yourself first.  What are you afraid of?  Putting a name and face to your feelings, doubts, and fears instantly takes part of their power away.

Get those fears out of your head.  The longer they swirl around inside you, the stronger they get and the more you “believe” you won’t survive.  Once you’re convinced, your mind wins and comes up with all kinds of reasons to support that belief.

Going forward in the face of fear is like opening a valve to let off the pressure.  When you let the fears out of you and see them for what they truly are, you have a much better chance of stepping into what you are being called to.  Keeping them inside and trying to “manage” the feelings, will keep you in confusion. You will use all your energy to manage the fears and keep them at bay leaving you depleted and afraid to take the next step in front of you.

2.  Identify Your Fears:  One of the fastest ways is to get to those deep fears is through your feelings.  They are the gateway, the portal to understanding and getting laser clear about your fears.  Every fear has emotions associated with it so just decide to be willing to feel whatever it is you are feeling.  This practice will give you lots of information and allow you to get to the bottom of what’s going on.  Continue to be open and you will uncover the fear that is driving the feeling.

Try this:  Write down all you are feeling, bad or good about your particular block.  No matter what you think or feel, get it out with no judgment.  Just gather the info. 

You may even want to draw pictures of your feelings. What does your feeling look like?  Let yourself go and let it flow.  Get your body involved.  Scream a little, stomp around to let the energy of that feeling and the fear associated with it out of your body.  Whatever comes up for you, just get it outside your mind and body so you can see it for what it is.

Remember, it is hard to come up with a solution for something you can’t identify

3. Make a conscious choice to be willing to consider not being afraid of FEAR:

Honestly, fear will not kill you.  It may feel like it, but I know for sure that the fear can be the doorway to your freedom. Identify the fear, and discover what it’s showing you.  Approach this like a puzzle you are putting together. As the pieces show themselves you can put the picture together and come up with a strategy to walk through that fear and emerge on the other side not only alive, but transformed.

Are you willing to believe that the fear is of value to you and that it has a purpose?

Example:  You have a really hard time standing up for yourself and saying what you truly want to say.  If you find yourself in the aftermath of not standing up and saying what you wanted, notice how you are feeling.  How does your chest feel?  Tight, hollow?  Is your heart pounding?  Is your throat tight?  Do you feel a lump in your throat?  Do you feel light headed?  Really take notice of what is going on in your body.

Then follow the trail inside to your emotions.  Do you feel angry?  Are you mad at yourself or someone else?  Do you feel like crying?  Are you hurt?  What are you telling yourself?  Are you bad mouthing the other person in the situation?  Are you blaming someone else?  Do you feel worthless or ashamed of yourself?

Being totally honest and identifying the sensations in your body, the feelings and emotions inside you, the thoughts that show up is the doorway to seeing your fear.  This helps you discover the fear that is driving your external actions.   

Then ask yourself this question:

What would happen if I did say what I really want to say?

You will hear things like, I will be rejected, they will get mad at me, they will leave me.  This then leads you to your fears.   I am afraid of being abandoned, I will be punished if someone gets mad at me, or I will be alone.

It may not feel good to stare in the face of the fears, but now you really know what you are dealing with and that gets you one step closer to getting past it.

Once you are willing to be this real with yourself and make the conscious decision to see the truth, you may feel worse initially.  After all you have worked really hard and spent a lot of energy to keep the fears down.  But be encouraged and know that when you are honest and real you activate the possibility for change.  You open the door of opportunity to see something new.  On the contrary, the continued denial and avoidance of the truth of your fears will keep you spinning in the same place for as long as you choose to stay there.

I invite you to be real and courageous enough to start seeing your stuff.  To give yourself permission to believe that your fears will not kill you and take the step into your own journey believing that you will be taken care of. 

FREE Possibility Call With Me! 

Are YOU ready to step out, but the fear has you running, fighting, or paralyzed?

I want to offer you a 30 minute FREE Possibility call with me to look at your options, support you in your next step, and dispel your confusion, so you can get out of that rut and make the change to live differently.

For your FREE 30-minute Red Hot Living Possibility call, send me an  email at cindy@redhotliving.com  and I will get right back with you to set it up. It’s that simple.

Last week I wrote about missing what may be right in front of you and needing new eyes to see the good stuff.  I wrote this blog first and then decided to give the experiment that came to me a try before I put it out to you.    It really worked so here it is.  Pretty cool!

Maybe what you need is already there, you just keep missing it.

Have you ever had the experience of missing something in plain sight?  It happens all the time, naturally.  You didn’t see the sign that you clearly passed and missed a turn, you can’t find the remote lying in plain view because it is not in it’s usual place.  This happened to me a few days ago.  I was looking for the Almond Butter in the fridge, but I was expecting it to have a green label with yellow writing so I totally missed it.  When I found it later that day, it was in plain sight, just with a brown label and red writing.  It didn’t match what I expected and my mind didn’t register it.  All this got me thinking are we missing that may right in from of us.

What if the answer you are looking for is right there, just not what you wanted or expected?  By just asking and opening your mind to allow the answer, (not the one you expect) it can show itself to you.  Set your intention on seeing what you are missing, ask for it to show up, and watch to see what happens.

THE EXPERIMENT: (the one I thought was pretty weird, because who really sees these every week?)

Give this a try.  Set your focus and intention on seeing peacock stuff this next week.  Because of what happened to me, I know you will see something as random as peacock paraphernalia around that you haven’t noticed or somehow it will just appear for you. (I don’t know why peacock, it just kept coming to me as I wrote, so I decided to go with it!) This week you will see something that relates to a peacock, just by activating the thought of peacockness!

Ok, here is how it works.  Now that I have introduced the thought that you will see something about a peacock, start watching and see how many peacock related things you see.  You may see something that you pass all the time and never noticed.   Maybe a peacock feather, a picture of a peacock, a drawing, something that relates to a peacock.   It will just pop out at you.  That’s what happened to me!

So what does this have to do with you anyway? The whole intention of this experiment is to give you evidence that what you set your focus on shows up for you.  Really.  Even peacocks.

PS.  I looked up what the peacock means and amazingly it symbolizes new birth, self-confidence, beauty and seeing with new eyes.  (notice the eye on the peacock feather!!!).  I guess it was meant to be, and not so random after all.

SHARE YOUR PEACOCK SIGHTINGS:  I am really interested in any peacock experience you have!  Please let me know!   Speak Your Mind at the bottom of this post and let me know, leave a comment. You gotta share!   When you tell me yours, I will tell you mine.  It was crazy.  I even saw an albino peacock?  Promise!

I hear it around me all the time, and I know it’s true because I want all the good stuff too.

So, what IS the good stuff???  To be loved for who you are, to feel safe, to be free, and to be connected.

Doesn’t that about cover it all? Feels good just writing that down!

When you don’t have what makes you whole, the good stuff, you are always searching,on some level, to get it.Your true heart knows that there is more and it is always on the lookout to find it, always. An open heart to receive is a huge part of even seeing the good stuff. What if your good stuff is right there, already provided for you, everything you need, but you just can’t see it? You need new eyes!

Are you missing what you need to grow, to feel alive, to feel connected, and be successful? I can say confidently, that what you need is already there, you just don’t see it. You may be saying, “What I see looks alot like roadblocks and not tools.” Hmmmm….

Consider for a moment that you can USE your challenges, your pain, your heartaches as tools, not roadblocks. One thing is for sure, if this is true, you already have a really full, bulging tool belt! We all do! One that weighs you down and keeps you busy rearranging and figuring out what to do with all you got around your waist!

Imagine being able to see all those things differently. Not just talking about them all the time, but getting really wise and efficient with what you got. Some of that stuff you need to throw away, but some of it you keep to create your life. What an amazing idea…is there any truth to this? Can your stuff become your friend, your tool, and your ally? I tell you the answer is a resounding YES. I have experienced it.  It is not just a concept or good idea, it is reality….for me and for you.

It’s is the most freeing thing to have the eyes, the power, and the skills to use what you already have as tools to get moving. You need the ability to see what works and what doesn’t. It’s risky, it feels dangerous, and it is the way to freedom. There is a way to be free of your past, free of your fears, and open your heart to receive and transform what looks right now, like a pile of rubbish.

Put yourself in the position to receive new eyes, new insight, new plans, new understanding. It is there for you…really. You can give all day long, and if you don’t receive you break the circuit of creation. As long as you chase your life, it will always be one step ahead of you (and you will be exhausted). When you sit down and let your life come to you (receiving), with your heart being your guide, you see with different eyes and have a very different experience.

The longer you fight, strive, and work to make it all happen, the more exhausted you will be (and frustrated). When you are loving yourself, safe, free and connected…creating isn’t work. You will always be putting in effort, but not hard. gut wrenching work to get the good stuff. It will come to you…instead of you chasing it.

In the natural order of giving and receiving….you give, you receive, you receive, you give. It”s NOT just give, give, give all the time.  If all you do is give, you can’t receive.

What are you missing that’s right in front of you? Are you willing to receive new eyes and see what you have right now that can actually work for you?

Creating your life really starts with you being willing to stop, take notice, and take inventory of your tool belt. Keep the tools that work for you, that fit your heart, and using what is left, add some more to become the skilled master of your creations.

Need some support and help to change your vision? Send me an email atcindy@redhotliving.com and I will help you do inventory and get you using your power tools!

I read books, listened to teachings, talked to experts, and worked really hard to start moving forward, but in the end I realized that nothing could actual do the moving but me.  That was pretty depressing because I wanted to quantum leap right over all my junk and be living the free abundant life I had always dreamed of.

I see now that my impatience actually lengthened the process (although I do believe however long it takes is perfect!).  Looking for a way to make it go really fast distracted me from the true purpose of the journey altogether.  I have had some beautiful quantum leaps which are wonderful, yet it is the journey itself that produces the love, patience, freedom, wisdom, and value.

Trying to push yourself into enlightenment goes against the awakening itself.  The beautiful thing about growth is that it is extremely personal and sacred.  Each of us has a personal experience within each universal truths and law of expansion.  It is very important that you step into your own sacred journey and tap into your unique rhythm as a part of the collective awakening and growth.  Trying to copy someone else or ride the wave of another’s journey will keep you feeling like you are just on the edge of freedom all the time. Settling into your own unique experience will free you from comparison and the shame of not being where you want to be, no matter how hard you try.

I know it is scary to take off on your own path, but ultimately in order to be a part of the whole, knowing who you are and embracing your true value gives you the confidence and freedom to feed yourself, so you can feed others.  Remember, this doesn’t mean you have to walk this journey alone, it means you must be responsible to start with yourself and your own journey, as you partner with others and with Universal Love.

For those of us who are here to heal and help others, it is essential that you know who you are, listen to your heart, and give yourself permission to follow your own unique path to healing and freedom.  There are amazing teachers and encouragers to support us along the way.  People who are sharing and giving us information about how to transform, and in the end it is up to you to partner with love to guide you on your own unique journey to the life you are meant to be living.

If you are struggling to see your own path and understand how to tap into your own unique rhythm, I would love to connect with you for a free call.  Simply send me an email to cindy@redhotliving.com and we will set up a time to talk about ways to see yourself and your value so you can successfully and deliberately create a very different experience in your life.

I have spent way too much time and energy trying to figure out the WHY of  situations instead of just accepting and moving on.  WHY didn’t that relationship work out.  WHY did she do that, WHY didn’t he do this, or WHY did it happen for her and not me.  WHY can’t I, WHY did she, WHY didn’t it, WHY her, WHY not me, why haven’t I, why have they, why did this happen, WHY didn’t that work, WHY, WHY, WHY?

There are times when understanding the why is possible and helpful, but many times you can’t see why or make any sense of the circumstances that got you to where you are.  You may know what happened, but understanding why may still have you trapped.  Often understanding the why of abuse, betrayal, pain, and heartache may not be available to you, it may make no sense.  After all it may be undeserved, wrong, and unfair.  Circling around the what, getting an aerial view, investigating every little detail over and over, trying to figure out WHY something happened distracts you from the real intention of healing.  Freedom.

After years of searching for the reason for the pain, I realized that searching for the why may never come like I want it to.  The WHY made no sense and was illogical and no amount of tweaking, massaging, or morphing would ever bring me the peace I was wanting. I saw that the truth was simply to accept what is, not have it all in a neat little box with a bow that made me feel right and good.

Even though I figured out there’s no logical way to understand this, I realized I had to go to the next step and ask myself, “Do you have to know WHY in order to move on with your life and be free of this?”  I didn’t like that question.  My ego wanted to be right, and yes, I wanted to continue so I could feel justified or at least validated.  But in the end, the desire to be free overcame the need to be right and I learned a valuable life lesson.

Letting go of the need to know why, frees me to love myself and move on.

Whew, this is not easy, but as I practice more and more letting go of the need to have everything makes sense in order to move on, I am able to accept and allow the truth to actually set me free to see myself and love myself on a whole new level.  When I let go of the WHY I see HOW to change much easier.

If you want to let go of the WHY and move into the HOW but can’t seem to get there, send me an email at cindy@redhotliving.com for support to move on.  It’s a much better place to live.

Without authentic true soul food, I was always on an emotional starvation diet, constantly looking for something and someone to feed me, and never really being full and satisfied.  From that place I was always in the spiral of looking outside myself for the next person or thing to rescue me from starving.

Being at the mercy of what you get from others is a very unsettling place to live.  You are never sure what they may serve.    Maybe you will get chocolate cake with strawberries (one of my favorites) or maybe you will get boiled beets and liverwurst.  Then you don’t feel so good.

You are really the only one who knows what your soul is longing for, and making the choice to feed yourself  makes you strong, fulfilled, and able to do and be who you really are.  We all want to know what we are here for, right?  When you feed your soul you have a really good chance to find out.  The answer is already there for you, but a starving soul has a really hard time getting the message to your heart!

Ready to stop starving?  Send me an email at cindy@redhotliving.com.  It’s time to feed your soul and love your life!

I was struck lately at how similar this feels to the relief I experience after I have come through the pressure and heat of a physical, emotional or spiritual expansion. 

In the middle of change, you feel the heat and want to just hide out somewhere that you are comfortable. It’s hard to stay with it until you come out into the new place of cool breezes on your face. The natural response is to look for ways to escape and avoid what you are learning from the increased “heat” of the situation.  It is uncomfortable and you naturally resist it.

As an evolving, expanding, and growing human you are being called to grow constantly…and sometimes it gets pretty hot and sticky.  It is at these times you are called to examine your resistance and lean into it with wisdom, patience, and courage.

If you make the choice to welcome your challenges and not avoid them, you will be going against the norm of society and it will feel strange and uncomfortable to you. As you learn to be grateful for the gift of the heat, and move through it with gratitude, you will come out on the other side to the place where you feel the cool winds of change blow on your face, just like moving from the stifling heat of summer into the colorful coolness of fall.  That is when you will see that you have grown and moved into another dimension in your life.  A dimension that will give you more freedom and more enjoyment, with a renewed sense of passion! 

When you get into a rhythm of embracing change and welcoming the uncomfortable, the cool breeze will blow on you much more consistently… And that is what we all want.  More freedom, more love, and more fulfillment in life.  Are you willing to Dare to Be Different?

Have you ever had that feeling that you are just dancing your feet off and still not getting where you want to go?  Whew! I have, and it is exhausting!

What is it that makes you dance as fast as you can?  Your job, your family, your community, your responsibilities, or maybe all of the above.  No doubt we all have lots on our plates these days, and trying to keep them all up in the air at once is challenging.

Have you ever really considered which plates and dances are really necessary?  Do you take on more than you can handle, and you can’t seem to let go in order to make your life more enjoyable?  We all choose our own plates and dances. Yep, it’s up to you.

Each phase of life has its own set of dishes.  The young mother with 3 small children has lots to juggle and has a pretty steady dance going on.  The working mother with kids at home also has lots to keep going and her dancing shoes are smoking lots of the time.  Even the empty nester can find herself busy with her job, volunteering, and rebuilding a life for herself.  We all have different dances, but are we dancing our own dance or someone else’s?

It is easy for the lines to get blurred for women when it comes to responsibility.  We are used to taking on too much in our culture.  It is what has made us feel worthwhile.  We have been measured by what we do and not who we are.  Now the tides are changing and women everywhere are learning that the dance that gives fulfillment and meaning is the one that begins inside themselves. I am a huge believer in the spirit and divine nature of women and believe unless women are feeding that spirit we will dance our lives away, for someone else.

Why not let some of those plates fall off and break at your feet?  And if you still want to dance fast, just be sure it is to your own beat and your own music!

Cindy Hudson